Discussion Killers

Many times I have been in discussions with people who have either disagreed with me or were pretty sure they had the "right" position and needed to set me straight. I try to enter these discussions with the idea that my opinion might be changed, even though I don't form opinions without some thought. As I look back, I remember some instances when I made a major shift in my stance, some where I modified my stance, some where the discussion solidified my stance, and many where I completely disregarded the discussion because I felt the other person had no standing to try to change my stance on an issue. Here are some helpful hints if you wish to change my mind:

1. Demonstrate to me that you are my friend before you set in on me. Let's have some fun times together, doing something comepletely unrelated to contreversy. Show me that we share some common ground on some important issues. Until I know you care about me, you will only irritate me when you take me to task.

2. When you begin, don't demonize my position. Give me some credit for having at least a minimum capacity for complex thought. When you tell me that no one can be your friend who feels differently on your issue, you have just lost me as your friend. I won't change my mind just to salvage our friendship.

3. When you say, "I know for a fact that this is right", we are no longer discussing. You are stating a position and daring me to call you a liar if I think differently. This leads to the inevitability of a break in relationship and bad feelings all around.

4. When you say, "I know you feel strongly about that, but I'm just asking you to think about this", both of us can continue a dialogue. No reasonable person will disregard a request to consider a different point of view. But make it clear that our relationship will go on even if I don't change.

My mind has been changed on some really fundamental issues in the past 10 years. I have also lost some close friends because they couldn't hang with me unless I agreed with them 100%.

Since sharing the gospel depends so much on sharing a differing belief to someone with whom we have a relationship, these guidelines should be helpful. It is more important to keep the discussion going than it is to shout down the differing viewpoint. Even when you know for a fact that you are right.