Memories

I talk to people from time to time who pine for things to be as they once were. They hold an idealized view of a place, a period of time, a group of friends, or an association with others, and it becomes a standard which cannot be attained in any other situation. This ideal changed, maybe slowly, maybe rapidly, but the change is not seen as ordinary transition, and it is for sure not seen as improvement. They find it difficult to enjoy today because they haven't forgiven today for not being yesterday.

The problem is that things always change. Summers end and as fall arrives, leaves die and fall off. Maybe a tornado strips the leaves off early in the Spring and cheats the tree of its Summer leaves. But the tree changes. There is no going back to what once was. If we attempt to recreate the past, we find very quickly that it is a fool's errand. You can reassemble a group of people, but the perspectives, attitudes and worldviews of the people have changed. The chemistry which once held the group together doesn't exist anymore. That's why high school reunions sound so good in theory but are usually awkward in reality.

The best thing we can do with the past is to preserve and honor the good parts, learn from and discard the bad parts, and realize that today we are a much different person than we were back then.

Back in my youth Barbra Striesand sang the song "The Way We Were" (although I liked the Gladys Knight version much better). It went something like:

Memories line the corners of my mind,
Misty water-colored memories, of the way we were.
Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another, of the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then, or has time re-written every line,
And if we had the chance to do it all again, tell me would we, could we?
Memories, can be beautiful and yet,
What's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget.
But it's the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember, the way we were.

We have the opportunity to enjoy today, today. Tomorrow we can't do anything about it.
And wishing that today was yesterday is wasted effort.